Good day ladies and gentlemen. It's been yet another 3 quarter year hiatus. Hibernating i've been but awoken i am. Shoo away the slumber and it's the start of the new era.

After saying bye to school life, i never thought that i would be so viciously sucked into the flousy world of the contigent that 'protects' Singapore. A load of crap i'd say. Day after day, all we dream of, all we yearn for, all we ardently hope for ultimately comes to naught. Why you might ask, i don't know either though i have a really strong feeling that it just might be the commanders. Promises of rest after work, promises of a better tomorrow. All corny pretences. All utter bullshit. The only comfort i can seek from is often from my fellow sufferers and even that's not certain. Blood and tears i've shed, but for whom? 'For my country' is the politically correct answer but seriously, if we ever come under attack because of bloodlust or something, the sheer numbers of the enemy will flood us all. So what if we have the latest technology or so, if we're ruled by useless fools who let us toil for the sake of appearing good in front of their superiors, we are all going to die, one way or the other. I always thought mine's a morbid description of the current state of affairs. but when i read another colleague's count on all these, i realised that i'm not alone in this. In fact, it gave me the courage and liberty to spill the beans.

This new life i'm leading is a waste of time. Nobody except us will be able to understand. Everybody wants to be protected but have they wondered whether their so-called protectors are willing to protect them? well, they are. But conditions forced upon them make them an unhappy bunch. Devoid of family and social time, they are left to fend for themselves, thrown around like unwanted scraps of meat. After a hard day of toiling like egyptians building a pyramid, make that four, all they get are lectures on how they are not allowed to complain since it's their responsibility to 'forge a better tomorrow'.

I did relish this chance to be thrown into the deep end. To be better able to experience what i'm supposed to be facing. Boy do i regret this now. This hellish 2-year long tunnel i'm supposed to be thundering thru seems to get ever darker and more sinister. I'm crawling at a snail's pace. Claustrophobia some may call it, but i'm stuck in my own world. Dark, smelly, morbid. The call of the devil has never been stronger. My family and friends are what little i have now that i'm deprived of my other joys. People will be saying 'you'll emerge a stronger man'. i beg to differ, i will certainly agree though, with the notion ' you'll emerge a more skeptical and realistic man'. All that the past year has thought me is how the root evil of men is so evidently displayed in what's supposed to be the barrier of protection of society. The blame game, the name-calling, the succumbing to temptations, the sheer cowardice and absolute obedience towards supposed upper-beings. Also, the weak's gobbled up, the strong prevails. Alas, doesn't the weak deserve a chance to get stronger? Is this world better off without competition? Simplistic contentment with gaining a foothold over others, isn't this the basic ingredient for the crumbling of an ever dominant empire? The middle class are left to choose between defending the weak or serving the strong. They either get blown away like sand, never to be seen again or end up doing the dirty work for the strong. Always yearning for recognition but getting none. Always hoping to get stronger but only to realize that they diminish as time passes and their masters find new servants. This hierachy of weak,middle,strong will never come to pass, will it?

I'm not trying to be a smart alex who knows everything. In fact, i don't know anything because i too, am blinded by propaganda. Too easily swayed i am. Thus, i am taking this opportunity to voice out my view before i embark on the next corner that promises me even more lessons that i've yet to learn. Indeed, if going Down-Under is going to bring me closer to hell (no pun intended), then i will take it as it is. Hopefully, my spirit is already at the lowest ebb it will ever dwindle to. All said, i'm going to take this gamble on this next destination. I hope this will turn out to be fine, however i define it.

1:15 am;

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