I guess the summer nights make one think a lot.

As my desktop purrs ever so steadily and with everybody fast asleep, I find myself overwhelmed suddenly by the serenity of it all. I am disconnected from the world and so many things hit me I have to pen this down.

After all, it's not everyday you feel philosophical.

Over said, over heard. How do you define a true friend? How can you be sure they are true friends?

I've never really thought hard about this issue so I'm going to force myself to think right here, right now.

Since friendship is all about the connection between humans, I should think it is only natural for 'true' friendship to be mutual.

So, 2 criteria then.

1) You think of him/her as a true friend.
2) He/she thinks of you as a true friend. (Also the one most people take for granted)

1) You

I guess the former is the easiest to judge and it really is all about who do you really think of first when you are bored and thinking about the good old times. Who do you want celebrating your major milestones in life with? Who do you feel most comfortable confiding in? You need to ask of a huge-ass favor, who do you think of first?

Of course there is the issue of having so many friends (esp in uni) it becomes practically impossible to filter. It's so easy to lose track and get lost, trying to fit in or replace friends that you no longer see every other day, week or even month.

Humans need to adapt, we need to adapt. Our surroundings change naturally as we split paths to pursue our individual dreams. We thus, come into contact with other people. Humans need to interact, otherwise, they die. It's what you call, the human connection. As a result, you try to fit in. You change yourself, the way you speak, the way you live and soon you get so caught up in it the winds of time erode the track you once trod and you forget about secondary school, you forget about jc... Quite sad.

So what we need to do is to realize time not only makes us older, time also erodes. Time erodes our memories. Memories like grabbing a plastic bottle to play soccer during recess and getting screwed by the teacher upon returning to class yet managing a cheeky grin at your fellow comrades. Memories like going to the band room everyday to perfect/hone your part and more importantly, because you like the people there. Memories like playing a computer game and liking it because you love the idea of the few of you against the world.

Yes, new memories are created every day. Memories like knowing you are only a bit-part player yet feeling like you scored 4.3 when your teammate scores a goal. Memories like complaining how the project was absolutely screwed up and how late it already is together with friends knowing you are just glad to have them in your group.

Here, I guess being proactive is the way to go. It's what you can and should do if you really treasure a friendship. After all, we have always had to fight to get what we want.


2) Him/Her

But of course, the feeling should be mutual. So how can you tell if someone values you as strongly as you to him/her? Sometimes, I guess that's the beauty of it all, you just know it.

That's the perfect story. However, what if you are wrong? ie You really treat him/her as a valued friend and you realize that the gut feeling that served you so well all along may be wrong.

That has to be one of the most screwed-up feelings in the world. Putting in effort and knowing you're never ever going to break into this social circle. Investing so much time and effort knowing you probably did those in vain.

Being proactive here will serve absolutely no use. Move on? I only have 2 more years left. Is there enough time?

So what do you do now? I really have no idea. Someone tell me? Or I guess I'll return to sucking my thumb.

9:05 am;

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